


Darling, Leave A Light On

by ohfrecklefreckle



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Frerard, M/M, Mafia!MCR, Mild Kink, actual feels, mafia!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:28:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23771461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohfrecklefreckle/pseuds/ohfrecklefreckle
Summary: ~The air of invincibility surrounded him like a cloak and Frank lived in envy of that. So often he fed off his own adrenaline and fear but they weren't always friendly bedfellows to him. Being able to disconnect from those emotions would be nice but he didn't have that skill and suspected he never would.~Another one started before but finished as a result of quarantine. It's my first published venture into Frerard so please be kind or at least not super mean anyway! Please note that this is AU (I know, me writing AU again - blame lockdown!) and entirely inspired by one pic which I'll link in the end notes.Old school disclaimer: Explicit M/M RPF - you have been warned! Elements of very mild kink - specifically Dom/Sub dynamic and very light bondage. If you don't like RPF then please don't read it. Not really super angsty so no TW for that. Please enjoy!
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	Darling, Leave A Light On

_Amare e non essere amato è tempo perso_

“You know this isn't fun for me Gino. I have never enjoyed seeing people suffer. Especially not people I respect. You though, Gino, you're not someone I respect. You're a liar.”

Gerard stared out of the window into the alley behind the deserted warehouse, certain there was nothing and nobody outside other than the rats squealing in the puddling rainwater and Mikey in the car keeping watch. The rain had been falling since forever, or so it felt, and whilst it regularly dampened his trousers and shoes it did nothing to stop him from going out on most important business.

“I told ya, I don't know where he is. He left town or sumthin'. I don't know Gee, I promise. I swear.”

“You're suddenly so sure he's gone. So, where did he go Gino? Where, where, _where_? Because when someone leaves town with Don Toro's money in his back pocket, it doesn't stay gone for long. That's right, isn't it Frankie?”

After a menacingly long silence during which he only heard slow paced footsteps and his own heartbeat picking up pace in his chest, Gerard smiled and turned to put his back to the rickety window ledge, sure that his sharp cut clothes would be dust marked by it but he needed to see the upcoming show.

“Sure is Gee. You don't take what isn't yours. Thieves, Gino, never prosper.”

“I'm not a thief. It's not me. It's Joe. That's who ya lookin' for ain't it?”

“Guilt by association is still a crime Gino. Still. A. Crime.”

The first punch landed just below the ribcage of a seated and bound Gino, the sound of the air shooting out of his lungs as evocative as the opening strains of La Traviata to Gerard. There was something powerful and poetic about Frank in full flow, much like a delicate aria or a lone violin's lament, and he couldn't wait to see it. Much as it pushed all of his right and wrong buttons at the same time and way too hard at that, he hoped that Gino didn't squeal too early. There was far too much to enjoy.

The next punch landed not far from the site of the first and then a third found it's intended destination before Gino slumped as far forward as his bindings would allow to try and capture a scrap of breath and escape the punishment. Frank clearly had no intention of letting him off so easily and with a handful of receding greasy hair clutched in his palm and secured by his fingers, Gino was dragged back to upright, his chest heaving as he gasped for breath.

“So what do you have to tell me Gino? Whadda you know?”

“I... I told you Frank, I don't... I don't-”

The slap rang out like a gunshot in the deserted space, poisoning the quiet as it echoed back from the barely rendered red brick walls and high ceiling. The flat of Frank's free hand had connected sweetly and the thin trickle of blood that sprung from the freshly split lip ran down over Gino's chin and onto his cheap, creased fawn coloured suit.

“Cheats, liars, _thieves_... you're all the same to me.”

With a sharp upwards tug, Frank pulled Gino's head back and smiled at him. He'd been told many times before that he had a look in his eyes which terrified most of his acquaintances, let alone his victims. A cold, calm, collectedness which showed the disconnect between the kind hearted ex-altar boy who would have gone to the seminary if Grandma Mary had had her way and the very rough and always ready square shouldered right hand man that he had gone on to become.

Mary didn't get her dream – the priesthood frowned on alcohol and violence publicly at least - and she had held out hope for her grandson's religious career longer than anyone else in the family. Out of kindness he had led her to believe he worked in a pizzeria and she, of course, believed every word that came out of her angelic grandson's mouth. Frank could do no wrong in her eyes and to her dying day she had thought of him as a kind soul with a lot to give. In some ways she was right, in others, little did she know.

“I'm none 'a them things Frank. You know me. I knew you when you were a babe in arms, when you ran round the yard in diapers. I knew your father well, God rest his soul.”

Frank knew Gino was a few years younger than his father but the same age as most of his uncles, real and adopted. He was among the slimy bastards who had hit on Frank's mother as soon as his father died and he hated every single one of them for it. She was a rare and classical beauty in their circle, a formidable Sophia Loren lookalike with the poise of a princess on the surface and yet a fierce and fiery temper underneath.

Letting go of the handful of hair he pushed Gino's head away so hard it whiplashed back and their eyes met. As he took two small steps back Frank saw with clarity what he didn't see before. There was an even uglier side to Gino, a side that would lie, cheat and steal to save his ass even when loyalty and family should have meant more. Even Gino didn't believe his own lie about Joe's whereabouts long enough or well enough to fool anybody in the room. There should always be honour above all else, Frank believed that to his very core. Own your victories, your failures and your mistakes. That, as his father often told him, was the making of a real man.

He walked silently in a circle around the chair, his heckles rising and his temper shortening. The mist descended and with a quick glimpse he could see the fear plastered on Gino's face intensifying. Frank's face grew red to purple above his immaculately starched collar and not even the loosening of top button and discarding of his trademark sea green silk tie made a bit of difference. Frank was simmering from the neck up and the thudding in his chest beat loud and true like the kick drum in the best club that Ray owned. Nobody talked about his father. Nobody.

“You never knew him. Thought you did but no, he was a good man who wanted good people around him. You... you, Gino, don't know what family means. You don't know what honour is. Honesty. Loyalty. You fucked up Gino, then and now.”

Turning suddenly on his heel, Frank lashed his tie around Gino's throat and pulled tight, the long tails of each end wrapped around his hands. He stared down into the panicked eyes that looked back at him and he felt none of the fear he should have. He could bring pain where others couldn't because he brought it where it needed to be, where it was beyond deserved. Gino knew the truth and Frank knew ways of extracting that from him, no matter what the ultimate cost might turn out to be. Ray had brought him on board to be the brawn behind the brains but his early dealings with Gerard made it clear that they dovetailed perfectly and were on the same page in most ways. Between them they had emotionally intelligent violence down to a fine and very profitable art.

“Are you ready to talk now Gino?”

As Gerard watched the lurid shade of oxygen starved beetroot consume all of Gino's face he felt nothing but satisfaction. He could see the bulge of Frank's lean bicep as it strained against the cotton of his shirt, his left arm raised high for the much needed leverage to choke the spent air from burning lungs. The onslaught of frantic spluttering and gasping sounds paled into the distance as he observed and memorised the intense look shaping Frank's face. He was sure that Frank wouldn't go as far as to take a life without the situation demanding it, and it really didn't, but he sure as hell knew that the pretence would continue so that Gino thought it was the end for him.

“If you want to see your family again Gino, you'll talk. You'll tell me where Joe went and what he did with Ray's money. You understand?”

The flailing hands that clutched and swiped at Frank's hands were slowly losing their speed and accuracy and Gerard stepped away from the window, pacing towards the middle of the room with a very deliberate cadence. With his clearest view of Gino's face he could see that the bloodshot eyes were out on stalks but the flabby, wrinkled eyelids tried to close over them as he started to fade from consciousness.

Gerard looked straight down at Gino and then over his head, staring hard at Frank until they made eye contact. That steely coldness was something special and very dangerous and it made the hairs on the back of Gerard's neck stand up every time. However, it wasn't the time or place to let his feelings run riot in his groin or his brain and with a raise of one eyebrow he issued the instruction to pull harder and Frank, obliging as ever, gave one final yank which finally strangled a barely there “Please” from Gino's gaping mouth.

“Frank, show some manners. Don't be rude, let the man speak.”

Unable to hide the dripping sarcasm in his words, Gerard reached out, ignoring the spit spatters that sat on the surface of his new suit, and softly stroked both of Frank's hands until they relented and let the tie drop slack. The deep red welt in the crease of Gino's neck looked sore but he had no sympathy for the older man. Me or you, us or them, for or against. No other choices existed in their world of roughhouse rules.

“D-d-Det...”

“Spit out what you got to say Gino, the man doesn't have all day.”

Gino's wheezing was rapid and his face still burgundy but Frank had limited patience, little mercy and no sympathy left in him.

“Detroit. He went to Detroit, okay? Cousin Daniel's place... up in the Rochester Hills.”

With a single tap on Gino's cheek, Gerard showed his almost appreciation for the confession.

“Now, if only you told us that an hour ago Gino. Life coulda been so much simpler for you.”

“You wanted a place and a name Gee, I gave you that. Deal's a deal, right?”

“That's not how we do business Gino. Not these days. We gotta shake on it for it to be a deal and I can't see you putting your hand out. I'll see you around.”

With a pat on Gino's shoulder Gerard walked away and in the direction of the door, not needing to look behind him to see what was set to happen next. He barely had the chance to grasp the rusty handle, let alone press it down, before he heard Gino's first loud cry of anguish. For Frank it was a chance to mix the personal with the professional and rewards in their line of work were as often emotional as they were financial. Within reason, and sometimes without it, he gave Frank whatever he wanted. In that dingy warehouse what Frank wanted was to avenge a father and defend a mother who beat in his heart as strong as the day he was born. Who was Gerard to argue with a son's devotion?

The rain was still falling outside when he got out into the damp air of the dusky afternoon and Gerard did his best to avoid the rat droppings and deep puddles of the fractured tarmac. The long wool coat he wore over his suit saw half the rain running off and the rest settling like beads that sparkled matte mercury as they reflected and refracted the colour of the clouds above him. Within a minute or so he was knocking the drops off before sliding into the rear seat of the waiting Jaguar, the car warm from the running engine.

“Hey kiddo.”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to fucking call me that?”

“Relax, it's only a name Mikey. Jesus, are you gonna call Mom and tell her? Please don't. She might stop my allowance!”

“Fuck you Gerard.”

The biting tone of Mikey's words didn't sit right. It was so out of character that Gerard didn't want to push any further. He leaned forward and tried to put his hand on Mikey's shoulder but found it shrugged straight off.

“Hey, Mikey, I was only kidding. What's wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah, you bit my head off because everything is fine. I don't think so. What happened?”

“I'm just tired and you're dead set on pushin' my buttons is all.”

Gerard sat back against the seat and stared at Mikey through the rear view mirror. He knew what was wrong.

“She dumped you.”

“No.”

“She did, she dumped you.”

“Just leave me alone, okay.”

“Ohh-kay but you wanna talk then we can talk. I'm here. You know that.”

“I just wanna drive and get back home. Where's Frank?”

The devilish curl at the corner of his mouth would have been a dead giveaway if Mikey had clocked it but he was staring sullenly out of the window as the rivulets of water trickled down the glass.

“He's... he's a little busy right now.”

“Do we need a clean up or?”

“No, nothing heavy. Just payment in kind.”

Gerard was glad when Mikey didn't make any more enquiries and resumed his usual idle tapping of his feet and, on the off beat, his hands on the steering wheel. He chose not to check his watch but he would have guessed that around ten minutes or so had passed when the front passenger door opened and Frank got into the seat.

“Ready?”

Try as he might Gerard couldn't help but observe every single one of Frank's micromovements and behaviours. An almost imperceptible nod of his head indicated a sense of satisfaction that the afternoon's endeavours had no doubt given him.

“Always.”

The engine roared to life and the car moved slowly along the alleyway, the chuckholes bouncing them along until Mikey sneaked forward and out onto the neatly tarmacked highway, the black car stealing it's way out of the city and towards home before long. It had been a successful afternoon. Gerard could go back and the APB would be out before nightfall putting an attractive price on Joe's safe return to New Jersey. Mikey had been out for a much needed drive to clear his clouded head. Frank, well, he had the best afternoon of all. On the warehouse floor lay Gino, unconscious but breathing, two ten dollar bills in the dirt beside him. It would be just enough to get a bus but not a cab back and the long journey home would be uncomfortable and undignified, just the same way he made Frank's mother feel all those years ago. He had wanted to keep going until the revenge was as sweet as it could be and the temptation had been strong but Frank liked his work and cared a lot both for the opportunity given to him and the company he was keeping. Yeah, if anybody asked him he could easily say that the company was the best bit of all.

***

By the time they got back to Newark the light had faded completely in the sky and although the rain had stopped the smell of late summer and the first falling of leaves seemed to hang heavy in the air. It was another balmy night when suits were overkill but anything less would fail to impress.

As they arrived back at the Magari club it was a steady evening with meals being taken not far from the main stage and the house band tuning up for their set. A double bass was plucked into tune as the skiffle of drums hissed and swished around the tinkling of ivories. People seemed to care not for the dutiful warm up, preferring to focus on thick steaks and red wine by the overpriced cut crystal carafe. Mikey drove the car on into the night with no words spoken about what was on his mind, just instructions on who needed to know where Joe was. Gerard and Frank had strolled in past the doormen and Gerard stopped to speak to his cousin Maria who was on meet and greet duties before being shown through to the back where Ray waited for them behind a grandiose walnut desk.

“Fellas.”

“Ray.”

“Any news?”

“Sure thing. Mikey is on his way to see Tony and Ronnie and they'll make some calls. It's in hand.”

“So Gino sang?”

Gerard smiled and nodded at the same time, trying his best not to look at Frank who stood behind him dutifully.

“With a little encouragement. Frank is very persuasive.”

“So I hear. So I hear. Frank, come over here.”

As Ray stood and waited for him Frank moved carefully across the room, not knowing why the spotlight had fallen on him. The talking and negotiating was Gerard's speciality. He preferred to concentrate on his specialist supporting role; hiding in the shadows where he could and speaking only when spoken to except when it came to Gerard.

“Let me see your hands Frank, sounds like you had a hard day today.”

Extending his arms, Frank offered his hands to Ray palms upwards, unflinching as they were brought together and turned over, the scars and marks of the day being inspected by rough fingertips.

“He hurt your mother Frank, disrespected her. You did God's work today. Know that.”

Ray's hand disappeared into his trouser pocket and came out with his fingers pinched together. The hand moved under Frank's palm and pressed something up into it, their eye contact transmitting the silent message that Frank needed to close his hands. As he did Ray let his hand fall away and he went back to the worn leather high backed chair behind the desk.

“Thank you fellas. See you Thursday. We have an appointment so be here for ten.”

“Do we need Mikey?”

“No, he's on other business. I have, er, some _errands _for his face to run for me. Names I need. I'll have one of the door suits at the wheel. The less good people who know where we'll be the better. Now get out of here. Dinner is on me at L'amato tonight.”

“'Til Thursday.”

Gerard's steps were always fleet of foot and being taller than Frank he could cover more distance in quick time. He was almost at the front door by the time Frank caught him up. How long he had spent staring in amazement and then flicking through the folded up green bills in his hand was as much a factor in how far behind he'd fallen as his height.

“Finders fee.”

“Sorry, what?”

He didn't realise Gerard was looking straight at him until the words had penetrated the haze. There was easily two thousand dollars in his hand if not more and although he would never complain a hundred bucks and a free feed would have been more than enough.

“Ray pays a finder's fee. You bring him a name and he makes sure you do okay. I get mine when Joe is back in town and things are, well, _resolved_.”

Frank knew only too well what resolution looked and felt like as so often he was chief enforcer. He had worked for people before but nobody who treated him as nicely as Gerard or paid him as well as Ray and Gerard both did. He had managed to get out of the tiny basement flat he had been existing in and into something one floor down from the penthouse in a much classier building. It was compact but clean, in nice part of town and represented a step up in life that his work had given him. It just so happened that it was Gerard's apartment and that he had settled quite nicely into the spare room that looked out over a beautiful inner city park.

***

He had been reluctant to move in at first. Sharing a place had never worked out right from when he lived at home in a house so overcrowded with kids and extended relations that he never had a moment to himself. Even taking a bath alone had become a challenge as the years passed by. Frank had jumped at the first chance to move out alone and a basement dive under a liquor store hadn't been his first choice but for the money and the freedom it afforded him it became the obvious and only choice. His already-honed ability to hold his own in a fight was a major advantage. Getting drunks off the steps down to his door was easily achieved and throwing them back up them when he tried to leave in a morning was simple too. He kept himself to himself, went to the gym a couple of times a week and the rest of the time he worked for whoever was paying, cooked pasta that reminded him of home and played melancholy guitar to an audience of mice he suspected were long term residents under his floorboards.

Meeting Gerard had come entirely by chance but seemed fateful all the same. Frank had accompanied a business associate to a meeting at the Magari and was waiting out by the back exit when he'd seen the shadowy figures that he had come to know as Gerard and Mikey approaching. Shoulders set, he stood as tall as he could, aware that at least one of them would tower over him. Size had never held him back though. His mother had instilled into him that heart was more important than height and he had never let that ethos go. He owed her nothing less than that.

It was at that first encounter that he realised Gerard had no problem being known or knowing others. A fairly tame handshake between them seemed offensive at first – how could Gerard have known he wasn't a threat or someone to be wary of? The truth was that Gerard lived above fear. The air of invincibility surrounded him like a cloak and Frank lived in envy of that. So often he fed off his own adrenaline and fear but they weren't always friendly bedfellows to him. Being able to disconnect from those emotions would be nice but he didn't have that skill and suspected he never would.

A good half hour had passed before anybody passed back through the door and it was Gerard, then on his own. They shared a little smalltalk about nothing in particular; the weather, a lame attempt at sports talk and then it came. A job offer. Frank knew he was becoming known in their distantly shared circle and was hoping for the tap on the shoulder to pull him into something regular no matter which side of the fence the morals fell on. The literal hand on his shoulder came with softly spoken words that told him to cut all other business ties and be back at the same spot at noon the following day. He had no intentions of not being there and the way he felt seen in every possible way by the smiling eyes alone intrigued him enough to miss his planned gym session and iron his shirt a bit more carefully when he got home. From then on it all fell into place and Frank felt a belonging where he was. It was like being at home but on slightly better terms and with more peace in his heart. Times were good.

***

Hailing the cab hadn't taken long and as Frank slipped into the back seat beside him Gerard couldn't help but smile. It was something they never did – being seen so close together, always at least distanced by the front and back seat of a car. The cabbie wouldn't know who they were other than an educated guess by how they were dressed and where he had picked them up from but the subtle power shift when they clocked off for the day was something he felt deep inside himself.

In their working hours he felt responsible. Frank may be his working hands but he cared that everybody got in okay and got out okay of every business situation. Outside of that time he should have been able to take more of a step back but it was hard. Everything he knew of Frank confirmed that he could handle himself and would take care of any unexpected trouble but it still didn't let Gerard let go completely. Ray deliberately referred to Frank as a minder but that wasn't a dynamic they truly had and all three of them knew that. Gerard needed physical backup but also a close confidante and companion. It was vital to the work and the secrets that he was expected to keep and work with. Frank came from a family where there was nothing other than respect, religion and retribution on the coat of arms and that reputation went a long way within their community.

He looked across and Frank was staring out at the night's lights whizzing past as the cabbie drove as irresponsibly as Gerard would have expected. Their conversations rarely came to much in public so the silence didn't come as a surprise. It amazed him how many people found Frank sullen and brooding when in truth he was a deep thinker with a shrewd eye and sharp intellect.

Ten minutes later and the cab pulled up outside L'amato. Frank went to open his door but Gerard tapped him on the arm and shook his head.

“We're not going in.”

“But we're comped for dinner and Ray said-”

“Just wait here. I won't be long.”

With that Gerard got out and headed into the front of the restaurant. Part of him was tempted to turn around and see the confused look on Frank's face through the cab window, partly obscured as it was by dried rain streaks, but he decided to save that treat for the way back out.

He knew Frank, or he had assessed Frank and come to know the bits of him that the younger man had been willing to share with him since they'd met. Frank was vegetarian – a trait that was much derided in their social circle for some reason and that derision surprised Gerard considering how many of them lived on little more than tomatoes and pasta as kids. He knew that the last thing Frank would enjoy was sitting in a well respected steak restaurant drawing attention to himself by trying to ask for vegetarian dishes whilst sat across from another man when there was clearly no business meeting going on. Even if Frank never said as much Gerard had learned very quickly to pick up on his tells.

When he emerged from the restaurant a short while later he could feel the impatience of the cabbie and the slight annoyance from Frank radiating before he even stepped off the sidewalk. Chivalrous or perhaps deferential as ever, Frank had shuffled over to let him get in at that side and Gerard slid in, putting the two brown paper bags on the seat and reeling off an address that was the next stop for the cab. With a loud huff from the driver they set off into the night again.

“What's in the bags?”

“A little somethin'. Supplies.”

His short reply gave Frank nowhere to go. His savvy business head would assume that it was something they were transporting so no further questions should be asked in public. Gerard stared straight ahead and tried not to smile.

Soon the cab reached the new destination and when Frank reached into his pocket for some cash, Gerard reached over and pushed his hand away, handing the cabbie two twenty dollar bills which was more than the fare and even a generous tip would have been. If there was one thing he had learned to do it was grease wheels and lay groundwork. With a knowing nod in the rear view mirror he registered his face with the cabbie for the inevitable next time.

The glow of green, white and red light cast down onto them both and Gerard held the door open and nodded Frank ahead of him, watching as he took the step up into Milanese Pizza.

“Hey Frankie, how are ya?”

“Great Tony. Hungry. What's good?”

The routine was well rehearsed. Gerard had come to know it almost off by heart.

“The special. Great pizza. Lots of sausage, ground beef, ham, a little house made provolone – it's my best seller.”

“I'll take two.”

“Two specials coming up for you and your buddy here. The special specials - the ones with no goddamn meat on.”

“You got it Tony.”

With a shake of his head the muttering started behind the counter as Tony took Gerard's money. Lots of grumbling about kids today and their fancy diets, that they'd have eaten what they were given in his day, all the usual script. It was good natured enough though. They provided him with prestige as he knew exactly who they were – everybody in the neighbourhood did – but also with regular custom and some low level unpaid protection too.

Ten minutes of idle gossip about goings on in the area later and the pizzas were being sliced and boxed up, the smell of hot cheese and tomato wafting through the air and lighting up Gerard's tastebuds. He wasn't a massive fan of pizza but Tony made a good one and besides he loved watching Frank eat it so it was a price worth paying. The wide eyed joy that spread over the usually cool features when he lifted the lid and began twisting and tangling stringy cheese around his first slice was a truly wonderful sight to behold.

“You kids have a good evening. Tell your friends. Tony's margherita is the best in town. Best pie outside Italy. Better than your gramma's but just don't tell her I said that.”

“She's dead Tony, I keep telling you. It's my Mom you gotta worry about, trust me.”

A swift push of the boxes over the counter and Frank scooped them up almost reverently in his arms. The walk home was only a block and a half and he would have been happy to sprint most of it to get the pizza while it was still scorching hot. Gerard fell in step beside him silently and they walked at pace until they climbed the stairs up to the apartment when the boxes were thrown open on the kitchen table. Frank struggled to wash up quickly enough as the smell drifted through the air. Both his hands were tender from the blows he had unleashed on Gino and he made sure to clean the grazes on his knuckles thoroughly. The last thing he wanted was the taste of the factory floor ruining his pizza.

He was soon clutching his first slice, gingerly sinking his teeth into the molten cheese before relenting long enough to blow it cooler to be able to shove more of it into his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Gerard unpacking the brown paper bags. Two shallow foil trays and two bottles appeared on the counter top and it all started to make sense.

“What you got there Gee?”

“I figured if we weren't going to stay for dinner then they least they could do was figure out dessert. Cheesecake and some nice wine. The expensive stuff. Sound good?”

“Oh. Yeah, that sounds great. Thanks – I mean, it's... yeah.”

The flush on his cheeks was down to more than the pizza but Frank tried not to let it show. He appreciated everything that Gerard did for him. Being at home with him was nice. Sharing a home with him was nice too.

He had already conditioned Gerard into not expecting him to use a plate when it came to pizza – that's what the box was for after all – but he gratefully accepted a napkin and a glass of ice cold white wine to wash the food down with. As Gerard sat down just across from him he watched as a slice was wrestled from the box and the long fingers propped it up and inspected it.

“He can be a smart ass but he makes great dough. Crispy and soft.”

“Man, I just love his pie. He doesn't give me too much grief about liking it plain too. Some places won't do it if they know you don't have the meat or they hide the meat under the cheese. I just... I don't wanna eat animals y'know.”

“I know. And you would hate sitting somewhere surrounded by steak and eating a limp salad. The way to an Iero's heart is definitely through his stomach.”

Frank wasn't sure he could blush any harder than usual but somehow he managed it. The way Gerard spoke to him was with such ease and it was as if he understood much more than Frank had ever tried to reveal of himself. He did hate feeling awkward about caring for animals, hated asking for pasta with only a little cheese and no meat sauce wherever they went and the way he had to push food around his plate to pretend to eat it when it was too difficult to say. It was also thrilling to hear Gerard talk about his heart, something else he kept closely guarded.

“Mom says she knows I'd probably do anything for a good cheese pizza.”

He regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.

“I didn't mean it... that's not how it was meant to sound.”

“Frank, relax and eat. Enjoy the pizza, okay?”

He nodded and rammed as much of the wide end of a slice in his mouth as he could, hoping to stop himself saying anything else stupid.

“But y'know, I've got some ideas, plenty of cash and know the number of a great little pizza spot.”

The devilish way Gerard looked at him before licking his lips and biting into the slice in his hand sent a shiver down Frank's spine. He allowed himself a moment of imagining sliding into Gerard's mouth before he started to cough and splutter, his chewing and swallowing falling out of sync with his brain as his thoughts turned filthy. He covered his mouth until the immediate danger had passed and then chugged a good half of the glass of wine down to try and regain his composure.

“You good?”

“Think so. Just got a crumb stuck or somethin'”

“That all? I'm a little disappointed.”

Frank drank the rest of the wine down in one as if it was little more than a seltzer and grabbed another slice, emboldened by the tone the conversation was taking. He enjoyed the sport of duelling with Gerard verbally and knew just how far he could push back.

“You're an asshole.”

“I'm an asshole that bought you wine and pizza.”

“Yeah, well maybe you just want to take advantage of me. Maybe you're the sort of person my Mom warned me about.”

“Maybe I am but it didn't stop you from moving in with me.”

“Damn. I gotta give you that one.”

He saw Gerard pick up his wine and sip at it, the mood around the table starting to shift and drip with an air of anticipation that he loved. The glass was moved up towards the light and considered with reverence, the light golden liquid swirled and the bouquet sampled. The dignified poise that Gerard had was quite the thing to see and even though his breeding may have been less than noble his tastes remained expensive and exceptional.

“This is great wine.”

“I kinda chugged mine so I'll take your word for it.”

“You want some more?”

“Sure.”

Frank knew he was foolish to expect Gerard to get up and retrieve the bottle from the counter. He had expected a smart comeback but didn't get one. Instead he watched as Gerard tilted his glass until the wine came almost to the rim of the glass and dipped his finger in it before extending his hand as the drop of wine started to trickle down over the pad and towards his first knuckle.

Coming immediately to a half standing position, Frank dropped his half eaten slice back into the box and used his hand to steady Gerard's, leaning forward until he could take the glistening finger between his lips and swirled his tongue around it, the sharp tang of acidic, yet oaky wine hitting his cheese dulled tastebuds. He sucked softly as it withdrew from his mouth, resuming eye contact with the intense stare aimed entirely in his direction.

“Tastes good. Really good.”

“I'm going to go and get washed up. Come on in when you've done.”

The stroke of his face and kiss planted on the top of his head was almost enough for Frank, his well cut dress pants already rapidly tightening across his hips. When Gerard had left the table and gone to the bathroom he sat back down, his mouth tingling with the sensation of the finger having been against his lips and every nerve ending below his waist hitting high alert. To try and calm down he picked up his half eaten slice and finished it, his mind racing. His body urged him to take matters into his own hands and relieve the pressure, his heart and mind told him that he should do nothing of the sort. Gerard had been teaching him so much both about control and about himself that the last thing he wanted to do was spoil it. He was finally becoming able to explore a part of himself that had gone literally untouched for so long and he valued that more than any frantic need to let off steam.

***

It hadn't taken long for the tension between them to come to something more than soapy shower thoughts. In the six months they had lived together things had ramped up considerably.

The first time the boundary got crossed had been entirely by accident. A job ran over, got out of control and Frank was hurt. His hand looked as if it had been slammed in a door and made it impossible for him to do anything much at all. Mikey dropped them both off at Frank's place and the key concern was getting him comfortable until the doctor could come out in the morning to have a look. It wasn't the sort of injury that would be easy to explain away at the hospital so they opted not to. It looked like some broken bones and Frank was happy to take his chances.

He had been relatively cagey about where he lived, not wanting anyone to know that he wasn't keeping up with a lifestyle that he didn't aspire to. Most of the money he made was well hidden in his apartment and he had carried on living his very modest life despite the increase in his income. When Gerard opened the door to help him in he didn't expect it to be neat and tidy, as light as a basement apartment could ever be and to smell so nice. Frank had done what he could to make it homely and it had worked.

Helping him through into the bedroom had been a natural choice that didn't turn awkward until Gerard started to unbutton the bloodied white shirt.

“I can... I'll manage it. You don't have to do that Gee.”

“Frank, you can barely move. Just let me.”

“No, I'm good. I-”

“Frank.”

The forceful one word warning served its purpose. There was no more arguing and as he pushed the unbuttoned shirt off the shoulder of Frank's good arm, he caught the soft, warm skin and felt the sparks fly between them.

“One down, one to go.”

“Gee, honestly. I can manage.”

A glare replaced any verbal warning and Frank shrugged his frustration as much as his stiffening muscles would allow. The careful fingers slipped under the rolled up sleeve of his shirt that sat just below his crooked elbow and tugged softly, pulling the shirt off and leaving Frank shirtless and exposed in the tiny bedroom. He looked anywhere apart from at Gerard and thought about anything but him too, concentrating as much as he could on the dull throb in his hand.

“You wanna take a shower?”

“No, I... I think I just want to get into bed.”

With that, Gerard went for his belt buckle but Frank grabbed his hand before he could start picking at it, laughing as he spoke.

“That bit I really can manage.”

“Okay. I'll let you get that.”

What he hadn't anticipated was Gerard moving no further away, staying so physically close to him as he unbuckled his belt and unfastened his pants, using one arm to push them down until they were at his feet. Frank kicked them off which left him stood only in his boxers and socks as Gerard retrieved the pants and laid them over the back of a nearby chair.

“Is there anything I can do for you, y'know, make you more comfortable for tonight?”

Whether he meant it or not Gerard's words dripped with innuendo. They stood and stared at each other, neither knowing if it was the right time or place to cross a line that had been getting ever thinner as the weeks passed by.

“I, um...”

The choice of words scrolling in Frank's mind were anywhere from 'no' to 'stay the night' but he hadn't got the courage to say a single one of them. It was in that moment of indecision that the only natural choice was reached.

Gerard pushed his hand into the ruffled hair that protruded haphazardly behind Frank's ear and then cupped the back of his head, leaning closer and waiting for Frank to look at him. When their eyes finally connected there was no longer a need for words. The kiss was featherlight, tentative and slow to deepen. If it was a test to find out what Frank really was then he had failed it and his new career may be short lived. For every thought of how he should have pushed Gerard away in faux anger just to save face there was another which made him give in to the most welcome of advances. The tongue that swept across his was a surprise but he readily ceded to it, his mind and body so broken that the gentle attention felt as if sustained him more than the breaths he was struggling to remember to take.

Nothing more happened or was said that night other than Gerard brought Frank pain relief, helped him into bed and then slept on the sofa in the lounge until morning when the doctor arrived. While Frank got patched up and bandaged, Gerard had headed to the bakery across the street and grabbed bread, pastries and take out coffee for them both, waiting until the doctor was leaving to come back and carry on taking care of him.

The next few days passed in a somewhat of a blur. Gerard would come and go during the day, bring meals and medicine and then in an evening would come armed with pizza or pasta, make a meal and then sit on the bed with Frank until he fell asleep. Gerard would get gradually closer and then hold him but didn't try to kiss him again. He had no idea if they fell asleep together. All Frank knew that was on the first two mornings he woke in his room alone.

The fourth day was different. Frank felt better and was able to sit out at the table to eat. He watched in fascination as Gerard buzzed around the poor excuse for a kitchen, somehow making a delicious meal on two mediocre burners and warming bread in a temperamental oven. After dinner they talked and watched TV for a while before Gerard did the dishes, produced a bottle of scotch and asked Frank if he wanted one. He gratefully accepted the offer and they sat side by side on the small couch in silence, both nursing unmatching glasses of burnt amber.

The way they had slipped into an easy sense of domesticity had comforted him so much through a difficult couple of days. Even their silences hadn't been awkward. He had heard so much about Gerard's family and life, so many of his plans, dreams and visions for the future. The man he felt he knew he had come to know even better. He knew that the fact that he had tasted Gerard's lips and then dreamed about them both nights since might be colouring his judgement but Frank had little to lose other than his job and when he was fixed up then someone else would surely need a pair of hands for hire. It didn't seem like a lot to lose for what he had to gain. He cleared his throat and let the words fall out.

“Gee, about the other night..”

“Yeah?”

“What did... what did it mean?”

“I don't know Frank. Something. Nothing. What do you want it to mean?”

They both continued to look straight ahead at the flickering television with neither daring to move too far or too fast. It was a question that had haunted their time together and Frank had reached a stage where he had to ask. He knew they couldn't go on working together if it was going to be the elephant in the room between them. Their line of work relied on implicit trust and he had that in Gerard but couldn't deny that their kiss had already changed something about their relationship.

“It meant... I. I liked it. And I suppose that's a good thing?”

His words went up and up in tone as he spoke, leaving no ambiguity that he was asking Gerard more than telling Gerard how he felt about it.

“Me too. I liked it a lot. I like you. A lot."

“Wow.”

“Is that wow good or wow bad?”

Frank had an answer but it took a second to get himself together to give it.

“Oh it's wow good but I just wasn't sure that this was, I don't know, _a thing_, y'know? Kinda, me and, well, _you_.”

“I'd like it if it was a thing but this doesn't change our working arrangement. If you're not into this then we don't do it. I still want you at my side. I trust you Frank and I can't buy that – can't find that – on just any street corner.”

“Aw, I'm not goin' anywhere unless you ditch me. Working with you is great. The last couple of days were hard but I'd do it again, no questions asked. I'm getting better on the daily and I found out you know how to make tortellini better than my Mom so I think I pretty much got it made.”

“Do you wanna eat like that every night?”

It wasn't the question Frank was expecting but he ran with it, giving it little more than a moment's consideration.

“Sure. Who wouldn't?”

“So move in with me. Let's get you out of here to somewhere a bit more suitable.”

“I don't know Gee...”

The atmosphere seemed more tense than it had ever been between them and it was only Gerard's change of position and tone of voice that set things back to where they had been. He shuffled round to look at Frank, the confusion that his offer had caused clear to see.

“I just mean I have a spare room stood empty and you need to get out of here.”

“I like it here.”

“So do the mice and the drunks.”

“This is my space, that's all. I need that, for now. Even if...”

Gerard couldn't help the smile that curled the corners of his lips. He had thought all along that Frank was something close to adorable but sensible and honourable had come as a bit of surprise.

“You've never lived with anyone before?”

“No, not that I wasn't related to.”

“Okay. So, how about I'll ask you again in a month and you can tell me then. By then we might know.”

“Know what?”

The air of naivete in Frank's voice was endearing and as Gerard leaned in towards him with intent, he hoped the offer of a kiss was answer enough. Luckily Frank didn't miss the hint and despite a few grumbles of discomfort as he twisted to make access to his mouth easier, they were soon connected, needy and increasingly breathless. Gerard gathered the half full whiskey glasses and lowered them onto the floor, coming up for air momentarily. What he wanted was to take Frank to bed, it was what he'd wanted since the first time he laid eyes on him in the deserted alleyway. The difference was that he hadn't fallen for anybody as easily as Frank before. It was way already more than sex. He felt out of his depth as his heart pounded and head spun with want and need. It couldn't be just a one night stand with Frank, it wasn't worth the risk.

“Gee?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I might already know.”

With a devilish twinkle in his eye, Frank nodded in the direction of his groin and it left Gerard in no doubt at all about the chemistry between them. The fabric looked to have reached a critical stage of its tensile strength and it shifted as the bulge inside bobbed in time with Frank's heavy breathing.

Unable to resist, Gerard reached over and curled his hand around the very end of the impressive shape, tightening the tenting of the cotton. With two or three slow squeezes he heard Frank's groans shifting from pain to pleasure for the first time in days and a warm wet patch appeared against his palm. All the time staring Frank straight in the eyes he used his hand to coax and tease, enjoying how Frank squirmed against the touch. His lips were parted and the heaving of his chest was something Gerard could only interpret as Frank wordlessly pleading for more.

“I think you need to lie down Frank, you've gone really hot and bothered all of a sudden.”

“You think you can fix me up Gee?”

“Oh, I got you covered and then some.”

He led Frank to the bedroom, opening the door and ushering him in, pausing only to watch as Frank shuffled onto the bed and laid back against the rumpled pillows. If he should have been thinking about what they were about to do then he wasn't. His only thought was sliding the shorts down and tasting the source of the steady leaking.

When the bedroom door clicked shut behind them the rest of the world ceased to exist. If he could have sent them a warning, Gerard would have told the mice and the drunks to prepare for a long, sleepless night ahead. He had waited patiently for Frank and now real life could wait patiently for them.

***

By the time he'd eaten two more slices of pizza and had another glass of wine, Frank knew it was time to make a move. The distant noise of the shower running had shut off and he had heard Gerard's bedroom door open and close. He had resisted the temptation to look round and try to get a glimpse of the towel wrapped body he was sure had passed by not too far behind him. Frank kicked off his smart shoes, peeled off his socks, leaving both neatly arranged by the kitchen table, and got to his feet.

Out of habit he knocked on Gerard's door and waited to be invited in. For all the ways they were familiar with one another he insisted on still keeping that as a rule. He was a lot of things but bad mannered wasn't one of them. Gerard's voice called out a casual “come on in” and in he went, immediately bewitched by the sight of Gerard at the full length mirror on the wall, hair still wet and his trademark short, black silk robe wrapped around him, belt tied tightly at the waist.

“You good now?”

“I have to get the day off me Frank, you know that.”

Frank did know that and it was one of their more curious dynamics. What Gerard wanted off himself he seemed addicted to on Frank. Somehow they had reached an agreement by default that Frank would shower after and not before, not that he minded at all. So many times they got home and there was no time to waste. He would be pinned to a wall or a chair within minutes, his pants unfastened around his ankles as Gerard devoured him. He would then grab a shower and get comfortable while the pasta boiled or oven warmed up. Gerard had confessed at an early stage that he loved the smell of the day's cologne and exertion on Frank, so often burying his nose in the nape of Frank's unwashed neck and breathing deeply to drink it all in.

He crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed, all the time trying not be too obvious with his staring. Usually Frank loved to be kept waiting and the anticipation alone would sometimes be enough to get him off but two hastily consumed glasses of wine had gone to his head. It was tempting to go over to Gerard and steal a kiss or unfasten his robe – anything to kickstart what he was hoping would happen – but he shifted and sat on his hands instead, trying his best to hold back the rush of lust still racing under his skin.

“Didn't you have any more pizza Frank?”

The question echoed back at him off the glass of the mirror. Perplexed, he tilted his head and eyed what he could see of Gerard's reflection carefully.

“Yeah, I had another two, maybe three slices. It was so good. Why d'you ask?”

“Oh, you're just sat there looking at me like you haven't had a good meal in a month. That's all.”

“Gee, I... I didn't...”

“Take it all off and get in bed Frank.”

Rushing to hide his embarrassment, Frank fumbled with his tie, unable to get his fingers to comply with loosening the knot that he had so expertly looped back into it earlier. Catholic school wasn't good for much but it had taught him that one valuable skill.

“Hey, slow down. I'm only ribbing you. Here, let me help.”

Before Frank had a chance to argue Gerard appeared in front of him and lifted the collar of his shirt, nimbly unpicking the knot and sliding one of the green silk tails into each of his hands. He felt himself being pulled forward softly and tilted his head up, his mouth anticipating the kiss even before it began. The hum of appreciation against his lips came with an increase of pressure on the back of his neck as Gerard pulled the tie harder, brutally exploring every centimetre of soft warmth with his tongue. Frank felt himself melting, becoming powerless to resist even if he wanted to which he certainly did not. Giving himself to Gerard in every way possible had opened his heart and head and it had felt beyond right from the very beginning.

As they kissed he unbuttoned his shirt and slid the creased cotton off and down his arms leaving the tie rubbing directly against the short, stubbly hair at the back of his neck. He threw his shirt onto the floor before setting to work on his belt and fastenings. The sooner he could be naked next to Gerard the better. The tugged direction of the tie urged him to stand and as he did so he felt the it slacken suddenly, the hands moving their focus to his zip. As one hand slid into the warmth of his trousers and ghosted over the distorted fabric of his dark blue boxer shorts the other slid round to the small of his back, firmly holding him still. The deft touches tormented him with nowhere near the amount of pressure he wanted or needed.

“Do I need the the tie tonight Frank?”

“No, I don't think so.”

“Do you _want_ the tie tonight Frank?”

“I want whatever you want Gee, you know that.”

Frank rolled his hips into the palm that sat flat against the base of his cock and groaned.

“Maybe we'll go halfway. Get on the bed.”

Obedient as ever, Frank removed his boxers and scooted onto the soft sheets, laying back and waiting for the next instruction. Gerard followed suit but kneeled up on the bed, leaning over him to pass the tie through the upright bars of the dark wood headboard.

“Gimme your hands.”

Frank lifted his hands above his head and felt Gerard plant a kiss in each palm before winding a silk tie tail around it. He closed his fingers to grip the fabric knowing there were no knots, no binding needed. He would hold on and use his own weight and strength as resistance and restraint. One of Gerard's lessons to him was learning how to control his own lack of control. Much as Frank needed the soul deep vulnerability of being controlled he also feared it and over many months of boundary testing and honesty the trust had been formed for him to let go a little more day by day. Gerard could now tie him and leave him or, more preferably, tie him and push him over the edge a dozen times a day and it be okay. Frank had never felt so free.

He felt exposed in the bright light of the bedroom until Gerard flicked the bedside lamp off which left just the cast from the street lamp on the corner picking out colours and shapes in the dim murk. The fine silk still shone like a panther's lustrous coat and he watched in awe as Gerard straddled across his knees, sat back and undid the robe, not taking it off but letting it drape open. The contrast between the deep midnight black and the pale skin underneath it made the moment even more exciting and he looked forward to being able to touch and taste every inch of Gerard when he was allowed to.

Letting his hands rub down Frank's thighs until he met his own skin, Gerard knew exactly what he was going to do. From his knees to his hips he trailed his fingers up slowly and used them to frame his groin, aware that the only other eyes in the room were fixed on his achingly hard cock. There was nothing more magnificently transparent than Frank when he was turned on, his thrill at the innocent way Frank let his body react was one of the purest sensations Gerard experienced with him and through him. It was never calculating or cold when he teased and tormented, it was entirely what Frank needed to happen and what Gerard knew he loved to do.

Closing his eyes he began his brief show, tilting his hips forward and moving one of his hands until it sat curled around the base of his cock, gripping hard and strangling the blood flow, the skin flushing redder to the point of purpling. With a short gasp he pulled back and then drove hard through his curled fingers, a fist forming with lumps and bumps within it for his sensitive head to enjoy. He repeated the routine another three times, the fourth in total being the one that made his breathing hitch for a second.

“_Fuck_. I hope you're watching Frank.”

“'Course I'm watching Gee. I wanna see it all.”

“Oh you're gonna see _everything_.”

A few more strokes and Gerard leaned forward, never taking his hands from himself. Demonstrating impressive balance that he had worked on over the years he leaned down, taking the slippery head of Frank's cock in between his lips and sucking softly. The pained moan it drew felt like he'd hit the jackpot and although he loved the feeling of Frank trying to push further into his mouth, that wasn't going to happen that early on.

“Stay still Frank. Pull your bindings if you got to. I need you not to come yet.”

“Sorry Gee, it just... it...”

In time with yet another deep groan Frank's hips froze where they were and Gerard could hear the subtle shift of the tie. He felt the tension in every sinew of Frank's body, the thrill of how his gentlest touches made so much difference fuelling the obscene thoughts behind the way he was slowly and deliberately pleasuring himself. Frank's saltiness and the faint aroma of a sweet musky scent flooded his senses and it could only have been better if an omnipresent Frank was available to be behind him, tongue flicking at him as he tried to avoid an early orgasm himself.

“You taste so good Frank. So salty and sweet at the same time. I'm already thinking about tomorrow when you'll taste like vanilla cheesecake.”

Gerard licked at Frank noisily, the low appreciative “Mmmmmm” from the back of his throat vibrating through them both. He let the air pop from between his lips when he started to treat Frank's cock like a popsicle, taking time and care to push him right to the brink before taking away the warmth of his mouth. He knew Frank was struggling to hold off and that just made him get sluttier, still rubbing slowly at himself as he felt and sensed what was going to happen.

“Oh God, Gee, I can't-”

“Hold on for me Frankie. I'm nearly done, nearly, _so_ nearly there...”

He deliberately let his words fade, the way they dripped with suggestion and lust almost shocking Gerard. His life had been a world of casual, furtive fucks with people who knew better than to trash talk him. Nobody had reached the caged heart he so closely guarded except Frank. He was the exception to every rule. Gerard was sharing a bed with someone for the first time in his life, was cooking meals and taking care of someone for the first time. He had allowed someone inside him for the first time and never felt more cherished or fulfilled. For all their fun and games and the trials and tribulations of their professional life together, what they had formed was a bond that Gerard couldn't afford to be broken. It simply mattered that much.

The rhythmic bobbing of his head finally fell in time with his own hand and even though he hadn't taken any more than the first two inches into his mouth, he didn't need to. Frank panted and fought but the all encompassing softness of it all proved too much. The way Frank's knees flexed wobbled the mattress to the point where it nearly knocked Gerard from his position but he held firm and rode it out, hearing the repeated “Ah” and “Oh” sounds that preceded the stifled spilling against his tongue. He swallowed gratefully, the feeling of oneness he felt with Frank extended and intensified by taking part of him inside his body however he managed it.

When he finally had the chance to look up, Frank was still clutching the ends of the tie with both his hands, the veins in his wrists revealing just how hard he had fought against himself. His chest rose and fell rapidly and his head was turned sideways, nestling into the pillows. Gerard had seen nothing as perfect since the last time he saw Frank so utterly sated and spent and quickened the pace of his wrist as he sat back to where he had started off, still trapping Frank's legs beneath him. What he really wanted to do was spread Frank's legs and come between them, the sheer thrill of making him so messy and then dipping a fingertip into the pearly white pool and teasing Frank with it was one of his favourite things to do. Instead though he made the most of where he was positioned and aimed his wrist down, watching the trails of himself landing in the covering of dark hair that led from Frank's navel to the base of his cock as he let go completely.

As soon as he finished Gerard leaned forward, planted a hand either side of Frank's head and kissed him lazily, not caring about the way he felt the cooling wetness spreading against his own skin as he pressed down onto Frank's belly. He let Frank lick at his lips, no doubt tasting the tang of himself and then claimed his mouth again, the pressure firm but the power balanced. Eventually, one hand at a time, he reached up and unwound the tie, letting Frank free. The liberated arms slipped under his robe and wrapped around him, squeezing at first before exploring more gently from the back of his shoulders down to the shape of his slender hips.

“You feel nice.”

“You taste nice.”

Frank laughed against the lips that still tried to cover his own as he spoke.

“Thanks. You know what else tastes nice?”

“I can imagine.”

He subtly firmed up his grip and moved his mouth round to Gerard's ear.

“So you're thinking about cheesecake too?”

“Shut up Frank.”

“Hey, a man has to eat. I need to keep my energy up. That's all I'm saying.”

Frank let go when he felt Gerard shuffling and knew it was time for them both to go and get cleaned up. Much as he was disappointed that his hands had never made it to the pale, pert cheeks of Gerard's glorious backside, he was more than ready for the hot water to wash him clean and to come out the other side of his working day with both dessert and round two to look forward to if he was really lucky.

With no further words he followed Gerard into the bathroom and turned the water on, briefly admiring his ruffled and spent look in the mirror before it steamed up on him. Six months ago life had been so different but he was sure he could never go back to living how he did before. He was finally happy and growing ever closer to the man he had always wanted to be. What he knew was that the hands that roamed his body and stroked his skin as the water warmed had shown him the light and he didn't ever want to go back into the dark.

***

It was barely 8am when Gerard woke, the morning sun streaming through the window straight onto his pillow and the long voile curtains wafting and blowing inwards with the breeze that brought in the scent of a slowly dying summer. He already knew before he looked that Frank was gone. Frank was always up with the dawn and much as he envied that Gerard knew that he could never be that enthusiastic about what he considered to be the wrong end of the day.

The slight numb buzzing in his head from the night before's wine would soon be chased off by a stiff shot or two of mocha Italia and, once wrapped in his creased robe to spare anyone in the park from too long a view of his nakedness, he ventured to the window to feel the strong sun warming his skin. The soft fabric of his curtains fluttered and flowed around him and Gerard stared out into the park, the flowerbeds at the entrance still bursting with colour and the leaves on the trees bordered with a shade of copper as time marched on towards the end of one of the most beautiful summers of his life.

He was about to turn away from the window when he saw a familiar figure running between the trees on the right hand edge of the park. It was Frank, clad in his usual workout gear that he wore whether it was fourteen or forty degrees out, rain or shine. Loose black shorts and one of two white t-shirts that had both seen far better days. Gerard watched as the exercise continued, Frank alternating between sprinting and walking as he relayed back and forth to trees further and further away from his starting point. Bad health meant Gerard had never been a natural born athlete although he watched and enjoyed a little baseball but mainly through childhood nostalgia and an addiction to the heady aroma of fried onions and popcorn. Other than on business he had never been in a gym or a boxing club in his life but had found many other creative ways to show and build his strength.

He had witnessed the rawness that Frank had about him even when lifting weights or wailing at a punching bag. When his body told him no but his mind said yes he was unstoppable. It was almost, but not always, a good thing and sometimes even a dangerous one in their line of work. With a smile Gerard let the thought pass by that maybe danger would always be what he traded both on and in, knowing that he had no plans on changing that any time soon.

It was hard to tear himself away from the window but when he saw Frank with his head rested on crossed arms against the furthest tree in his line of sight, Gerard decided it was time to go and get coffee on the stove and their shared childhood favourite of pane, burro e marmellata on the table. It wouldn't be long before an exhausted and exhilarated Frank was back in the apartment and having coffee and breakfast ready was a way in which Gerard showed how much he cared. In a world where talk was cheap but often cost dearly he preferred to show his affection with actions instead.

The kitchen was untidy from the night before but nothing that would take long to resolve. Pizza boxes were balanced on top of the trash can and a fork in an empty foil tray still had smears of cheesecake on it that held memories of the way Frank had allowed himself to be fed it and did the opposite of protesting when Gerard insisted on kissing away an errant crumb that had settled beside his bottom lip. Both bottles of wine were empty and the glasses were too, discarded on the counter top after they had sipped, talked and more way into the night. The leftover cold pizza sat on a plate in the refrigerator and although Gerard didn't care to count the slices he suspected that there would be at least one less than when they were put away for the night.

The tall coffee cups, moka pot and milk pan were soon the only things cluttering the counter and Gerard set to work measuring and igniting, tamping and tapping. Crockery clanked and cutlery clinked as he casually laid the table in advance of Frank's return. In such a short space of time he had gone from someone who hated regime and routine to someone who revelled in it and that was all on Frank. Something about what they shared gave him a purpose outside of his profession which, up until then, was all consuming to a fault. Being in love for the first time had rebalanced that for him and he was grateful for it. He was closer to peace than he could ever remember being and there was no price he could put on that. As he waited for the impending sound of a key in the lock Gerard knew he was in over his head but gladly so. It had been possible to find his missing part without ever realising that he wasn't quite complete. Rough hands were repairing the hearts of the beautifully broken on both sides of a complicated transaction. Frank had become everything from his lover to his lucky charm and was, without doubt, the best deal he'd ever cut.

**Author's Note:**

> The Italian at the very beginning is a proverb and translates to 'To love and not be loved is a waste of time'.  
  
The title is inspired by Belinda Carlisle's song Leave a Light On. It just randomly started going through my head when I was writing this and it seemed rude not to use it.
> 
> "But if I lose your love  
Torn out by my desire  
That would be the one regret of my life"
> 
> Stay home, stay safe, stay well and thanks for reading :)


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